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Internet Can Help Send Loved One OnJune 1, 2004 Sure, you can buy a car, order flowers, download music, purchase videos, fill prescriptions and even order pizza and grocery deliveries via the Internet. But when a loved one passes away, would you log on to FuneralDepot.com, Online-Funeral.com, CasketXpress.com or Caskets-to-Go.com to send her on the way to the hereafter? Those are real Web sites -- and real choices -- for a growing number of Americans who don't find the concept of clicking for bargain coffins and funeral services at all bizarre in today's cyber-technology mad society. Dean Mafliocca, president of Hallandle, Fla.-based FuneralDepot.com -- "Where Overpaying Is Not Dignified" -- makes no apologies for his 5-year-old site. He offers around 150 brand-name caskets online, arrangements for funerals, cremations, markers and monuments, all with low-price guarantees. Through a network of nearly 50 funeral homes, Mafliocca boasts quick service anywhere in the country. He declined to identify his partners, though, noting his offering of 25 percent to 75 percent savings has made FuneralDepot.com enemies among the more traditional members of the industry. "They are not thrilled at all," Mafliocca said. "We even have one of the largest casket companies in the world dragging us through the courts right now." That would be the Batesville (Ind.) Casket Co., at odds with Mafliocca for selling its caskets online -- purportedly a violation of the company's longtime policy of only selling direct to licensed funeral homes. "People have counted on the funeral home to help them make the best decisions, and quite often those decisions are also in the best interest of the funeral homes," he said. "Then the Internet came along." Salt Lake City's Larkin Mortuary is well aware of that, but tries to find what it sees as a dignified marriage of technology and a reputation for trust built over 120 years. The family-run business relies on references to survive -- yet it is not ignorant of the Web's marketing appeal. But Kyle Cherrington, one of the firm's directors and resident computer expert, says he has taken care not to cross the line between utility and commercialism is designing http://www.LarkinMortuary.com. The site is both sensitive and well-crafted, featuring an opening musical interlude culminating in a field of pink tulips. There is a gallery of casket photos, and options to view online obituaries, send e-mail condolences or order flowers delivered. "There is no 'shopping cart,' we aren't selling anything online," Cherrington stressed. "It exists to be educational, to help people make an informed decision. Then we can talk and work out the details together." The mortuary also uses special software to ease the funeral preparation process for the grieving when they meet with Larkin's funeral directors. With the "Family Advisor" program, clients can tour a catalog of caskets much larger in selection than the few dozen usually set up in funeral home showrooms. Working with the bereaved, funeral staff also can use the software to scan in favorite photos and write obituaries on-screen and select programs, flower arrangements, burial vaults and markers. "We have been successful for so long because of the personal touch, and that will never change," said Spencer Larkin, the mortuary's treasurer. "That trust is what keeps families coming back to us, generation after generation." PartingWishes.com doesn't sell caskets, but it does promote itself as a one-stop shop for end-of-life products and services. Customers can establish online memorials, plan their own funerals, write a will or power-of-attorney, and even create, edit and securely store last messages to family and friends. The site was co-founded four years ago after Tim Hewson, a telecommunications consultant, and programmer friend Henry Raud attended a friend's funeral. "The discussion after the service was dominated by comments like, 'I don't want my funeral to be anything like that.' . . . Yet, none of us had ever expressed these wishes formally," Hewson said. Today, PartingWishes.com handles 40,000 visitors monthly and has more than 15,000 clients. That, Hewson maintains, is ample evidence that a generation of cybersavvy Americans is willing to use the Internet for even the most somber of human transactions. "Our 'MyMessages' service securely replaces the sealed envelope that people used in the past [marked] 'Don't Open This Until I Die.' And it can include information on secret bank accounts, past transgressions or whatever," he said. Online-Funeral.com offers a particularly high-tech take: Internet broadcasts of funerals as they happen. And if you miss the requiem, you can purchase CD-ROMs with the ceremony movie and memorial photos, testimonials and digitized condolences included -- or log on to your loved one's memorial Web site to view the stored video. Bahman Motamed says his year-old site has up to 25,000 visitors a month checking out his broadcast services, which range from $100 to $500. So far, Online-Funeral.com has broadcast more than 500 funerals and graveside services. Motamed denies his services in any way dehumanize the grieving process. Rather, he is merely using 21st century know-how to help distant mourners connect to the dearly departed. "Technology does not diminish grief," he said. "Our system . . . allows relatives and friends that cannot be present and want to be a part of the services to participate." Still, it is the loss of the "personal touch" that concerns Leonard Wing, president of the Utah Funeral Home Association, when he considers how the Internet is changing his industry's time-honored traditions. "I'm hoping the personal part of the grieving process helps people decide to stay with their local funeral directors," Wing said. "Even in our do-it-yourself society, I'm not sure everything should be do it yourself -- especially funeral services." Nothing, Wing says, can replace the warmth of one-on-one human contact with a professionally trained expert in funeral arrangements. That is particularly true, he says, with family-owned funeral homes with generations of community service and trust. Internet sites can be useful to grief-stricken surfers for the information they provide, making them better educated and more able to guard against fraud -- though Wing insists the vast majority of funeral directors adhere to strict industry ethical standards. The Internet is replete with sites providing online grief counseling, or referrals to such services locally. One operated by the AARP (http://www.aarp.org/griefandloss) offers both -- and much more. The site contains an archive of grief-related articles, practical advice on dealing with loss and arranging funerals, online support groups and contact information for grief-coping, and a freely downloadable computer journal geared toward helping the healing process.
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