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Death Becomes YouSay goodbye to stodgy funerals. Boomers want more colourful sendoffs, something with flair and personality. Flashy coffins and turning your loved one's ashes into wearable gemstones are part of a whole new death experience.October 27, 2002 -- It didn't take Vern Culbert long to choose his coffin. He wanted the dark-green one with the hunting motif featuring a deer and a bear emblazoned on the side. Mr. Culbert, who died from melanoma in Meadow Lake, Sask., last June, was a hunter and liked the woodsy scene portrayed on the "Memories of the Hunt" casket, which he selected with the help of his wife, Sally. "My husband said, 'I don't want a funeral, I want a celebration of life!' And I think the casket, the minute you walked in, you thought -- this is going to be about Vern," said Mrs. Culbert, who had carefully planned the event with her husband. "The word funeral doesn't even apply anymore in so many cases." Mr. Culbert also personally chose his pallbearers, who dressed in Wrangler jeans and cowboy hats. Before leaving, guests were given a seedling spruce to plant in remembrance of the occasion. Pat Fant, who runs WhiteLight in Dallas, the custom casket company that supplied Mr. Culbert's coffin, also offers vibrant garden and racing ("The Race is Over") scenes, military and golf themes and Kiss (the band) as well as Raphael's now kitschy angels. "Cookie-cutter funerals are not going to work any more," Mr. Fant said in an interview. "The baby-boomer generation who's had everything personalized their whole life is now expecting to at least justify in their mind what they're spending their money on in funeral services." Indeed, "personalization" has become such a buzzword in the funeral industry that it frequently comes up in episodes of HBO's Six Feet Under, where the Fisher & Sons Funeral Home sometimes struggles to create intimate funerals for customers as varied as flippant It girls and thugged-out Mexican gangsters. The growing trend to personalize funerals means overcoming decades of regimented services that have been the norm since the 1920s and 1930s when funeral parlours were first set up, and further back still, when respect for the deceased in the 1800s meant dressing in black and whispering around the coffin. Dr. Ivan Emke, an associate professor of social and cultural studies at Sir Wilfred Grenfell College in Corner Brook, says this latest development in dying is actually a throwback to bygone times when wakes were held in the home, allowing the deceased to be surrounded by everyday objects that were important or special to them. "People are waked in the funeral home now, and for a long time their stuff was nowhere to be seen," says Mr. Emke, who studies both the traditions and professionalization of the funeral industry. "And now, people are bringing their stuff back into the funeral home." That "stuff" includes favourite hunting rifles and fishing hats, or pictures the kids have drawn. Memory boards where people can hang up photos are also popular. When John Howarth attended his friend's funeral in Toronto, the body lay in a large, white cardboard box. As people entered the church, they were handed markers and asked to sign the box. "When you started writing on it, there was a bit of give to the box, and you realized your friend was an eighth of an inch away," Mr. Howarth said. "It had a temporary feel to it as well. Nothing was written in stone. He was going to disintegrate, and so were the words and everything else, and so there was a very sort of temporal quality to it all. I just thought wow, this is really a beautiful way to say goodbye." Wandering through an exhibit at the American Funeral Service Museum in Houston, Tex., historian Christopher Layton agrees that mourning customs have changed. "I think what's happening -- and I kind of like it -- is the funeral should clearly represent and celebrate the life of the person," Mr. Layton said in an interview. "That's why I like these coffins from Ghana." The wood coffins come in various shapes such as a giant chicken, a KLM airplane (the wings detach for burial) and a bright blue Yamaha outboard motor. The Batesville Casket Company, in Batesville, Ind., supplies about 40 per cent of all caskets in the United States, offers "interchangeable corners" for its caskets -- small porcelain figures like eagles and angels that can be fixed to the corners and then kept as a keepsake after the service. "The inside lid of the casket can be embroidered with specific designs, names or dates," says Joe Weigel, director of communications. "We actually have interior fabric that has a golf theme." Traditionally, the casket is where funeral homes make their money. But many families are also choosing to personalize the big box on their own. They'll drape a quilt their mom made over her casket, bury a little girl in her tutu or dress a surfer in his wetsuit. People are finding simple solutions that not only cost little or nothing, but help provide a focal point to talk about somebody's life. With the ever-increasing popularity of cremation, industry designers have also been coming out with a host of new products to capitalize on the personalization trend. Many funeral providers are now encouraging people not to scatter ashes. "Once you scatter, you can't re-collect it," says Eileen Fitzpatrick, the president of Canadian Memorial Services, one of the largest funeral service providers in Toronto and area. And she said that selling the property where you scattered ashes can be an upsetting experience. Choosing to hold on to those cremated remains means you need some kind of receptacle to hold the ashes, of course. If you're limited in space, LifeGems are one possibility. They're made by collecting three to four ounces of cremated ashes and bundling them off to Russia, where they are subjected to heavy squeezing and heat. A few months later, presto, you've got a blue, yellow or red diamond. Prices start at about $6,000 for a ¼-carat diamond. Fountain Garden Funeral Services in Edmonton is the first place in Canada to turn the deceased into diamonds. "I always thought it was weird to put cremated remains in an urn and then put it under the bed, in a drawer, whatever," says 59-year-old Donna Thomas-Taylor, who lives with her husband near Cochrane, Alta. The couple recently put a deposit down for a LifeGem to be made out of whoever "goes first." Should Tom die before her, Donna says she'd like to have his diamond set into a ring. Talk about having him wrapped around your finger. "I guess this is only for a couple still in love with each other at the end!" she says, laughing. And what of the remaining ashes? If she wanted, she could stash them inside a sundial or a wind chime. There's even a small water fountain with a compartment for ashes. Although the couple would like to scatter the remaining ash over their country property, they're open to other ideas. "If we're not on this property, we might do a park bench with a little 'In memory of' plaque, so our kids can go and sit on our heads for a change," she says. Whatever kind of casket, service or cremation that you decide upon, the truth is that the funeral and all its accoutrements is really more for the living than the dead. Peter Krause, who plays funeral director Nate on HBO's hit television show, said in an interview that recognizing death is an inevitable part of living. "The bottom line is the dead don't care. It's the people left behind, how they cope, react, and grow when someone near them dies." (From the Globe and Mail, Saturday, October 27, 2002 – By SARAH RICHARDS)
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