Since I cant tell you about her life as she was only a 8 week and 1 day old fetus, I'll tell her what i never got to say, as well as how Im feeling and dealing with it.



Destiny,

8 weeks was not at all long enough...  I feel horrible knowing that the only thing I have to remember you by, is a positive pregnancy test.  

I know you're watching me, so on Christmas, I hope you enjoy what I will do for you.  I plan to buy a candle holder with an angel on it, and place a while candle in it.  I will put the candle holder right over your tiny little stocking...  I will also wish you a merry christmas as well as talk to you about everything.  

Its hard to deal with.  A month before I had gotten pregnant, I had to get my cat put to sleep because he had feline leukemia.  Im sure you heard your dads opinion of the miscarriage, but incase you didnt, it was "Life goes on...Shit happens" as well as "You cant lose something you never had."  Well, I did have you.  You were a part of me.  You were in me, growning, your little heart was already beatng...  Its hard to feel like the one thing in this world you want, you just cant have.  Makes me feel worthless and like I have no meaning, no reason to be on earth...I just want to be with you, wherever you are.  

Heaven you say...its hard to believe my girl.  Ive never believed too much in God.  Having a miscarriage didnt help that situation much at all.  But, I know I need to believe in something.  I chose God because thats the only thing I know a bit about.  Plus...thats where the angels are.  I want to know that you are safe in the arms of an angels until my time comes and I can take that angels place...

But until then, I'll try my best not to fall apart every moment of the day...  

I will never say good-bye Destiny, never.



I love you always Angel Baby,

Your mother,

Alicia