Robert (Bob) A. Morris will be remembered as a father, brother, and close friend of many.
A valued employee of the Unusual People Corporation, Bob passed away Friday November 14th after entering the Department of Motor Vehicles in Omaha Nebraska. He was involved in a bizarre accident with the driver's license lamination process. The Manager of the DMV employee responsible for the accident claimed that he had been mistaken for his own photograph, and was passed through the machine. The Manager, who declined being named, stated "The likeness was incredible."
Bob is survived by his wife and 49 children, 2 of which are adopted. Notable next of kin include: Art Carney, Karl Stefan, Floyd the Barber, Hogan, LeBeau, Aunty Em, Kellon Winslow Jr, George Steinbrenner, Bruce Dern, Peter Graves, Esther Williams, Kam Fong, Zulu, The Channel 3 News Team, Jane Fonda, Queen Elizabeth, Larry Lujack, Dick Orkin, Tiny Tim, Babs, Peter Jennings, Dick Vitale, Herb Tarlick, and his slickness, Count Daubula.
To honor Mr. Morris, the entire town of O'Neill will be closed (although some may debate if it was ever open).
Bob spent much of his life working as an exotic dancer. An avid baseball worshipper, Bob also found time to coach the Molakai Lepers. Last season, he coached them to one game shy of the championship, when in the bottom of the ninth, the pitcher lost his arm.
Bob was deeply committed to charities. He was an avid supporter of his favorite charity -- The Freak Central Brigade, an organization dedicated to the preservation of mankind.
Services will be held at the appropriate time. If Charlton Heston gets back from the Planet of the Apes, he will sing the eulogy. In lieu of flowers, send hoards of cash to Meagan.