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Divas Divine on Stairway to Heaven

Pop tunes replacing hymns at funerals

August 10, 2002 -- When the coffin lid closes, would you really like the sound of Black Sabbath to accompany you to your heavenly reward? For some Canadians, the answer, apparently, is yes. More and more families shun traditional hymns at funerals to turn, instead, to pop ballads, punk songs and even that stoner standard, Stairway to Heaven.

"We had a family request Ozzy Osbourne a little while ago," said Paul Wright, director of Schoening Funeral Service in Kamloops, B.C. "I was a little taken aback, but we played it in our chapel." In that case, the deceased had been a fan of Mr. Osbourne, former lead singer of heavy-metal band Black Sabbath. His wife chose the headbanging anthems as a tribute to her late husband.

Traditional funerals, all sombre hymns and scripture, are fading, replaced with an atmosphere more akin to a pop concert. The divas who rule the airwaves, such as Celine Dion and Sarah McLachlan, reign in the gloom of the funeral home, as well. Ms. Dion's My Heart Will Go On and Ms. McLachlan's I Will Remember You are increasingly heard during services, alongside Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings and Elton John's Candle in the Wind.

Hymns such as Abide with Me have lost their lustre, but Jimi Hendrix and Elvis Presley are climbing the funeral-home charts.
"Today, you can have a little more fun at a funeral," said John Kane, owner of R. S. Kane Funeral Home in Toronto. The parents of a 16-year-old boy who died of heart failure in Kamloops, B.C., chose to console themselves with their son's favourite pop songs -- Tom Cochrane's Big League and punk band Green Day's Time of Your Life.

According to many funeral directors, most Canadians are choosing ballads that reflect their loved ones -- powerful tributes that celebrate the life of the person who has died. "The rule about funerals is that there are no rules," said Jim Cardinal of Toronto's Cardinal Funeral Homes.

In Britain, too, the Top 40 rules at gravesides. Another One Bites the Dust, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go are some of the songs heard at services, according to a survey released this week by Britain's Co-operative Group Funeral Service.

The meshing of funerals with pop culture is part of a larger trend to personalize the staunchly traditional service. Families are burying their loved ones with everything from cigarettes and pints of beer to golf clubs and fishing rods. And funeral parlours with stuffy sitting rooms are being swapped for barns and hockey monuments -- comforting reminders of the person who has died.

"Back one generation, everyone was still very religious, and when someone died there were no questions asked [that] funerals were done the same way. We had an easy life back then," joked Denis D'Etcheverry, vice-president of Urgel Bourgie Group in Montreal.

About four years ago, Arthur Funeral Home in Sault Ste. Marie., Ont., held a funeral for Dick Pollard, a dairy farmer who died in his mid-fifties. For years, Mr. Pollard had a life-size plastic dairy cow sitting on his front lawn. Every morning he would move the cow to another spot on his yard to give neighbours the impression it was real. Mrs. Pollard wanted the visitation and funeral to reflect her husband's personality, so the funeral home was transformed into a corral with bales of hay; the plastic cow was set up in the chapel, manager Bruce Cooke said. Lock City Dairy employees who worked with Mr. Pollard brought another plastic cow with a wreath around its neck to express their condolences to the family.

Mr. D'Etcheverry has had similar non-traditional requests. He was approached by the friends and associates of a 30-year-old man who wanted a visitation but no casket or urn. So the friends decorated the room with colourful art and flowers, set up pictures of the man and placed a pair of running shoes in the middle of the room because he loved to run. "And then they had one hell of a nice cocktail," Mr. D'Etcheverry said with a laugh. "They didn't need us for that, and I said, 'Hey, guys, if we don't start becoming party planners, we're going to be in trouble.' "

People are shunning dark clothing, once the standard funeral attire, in favour of dressing the deceased in golf shirts, jeans and hockey jerseys -- clothes they loved to wear.

The growing tendency towards personalized funerals reflects an increasingly secular population, Mr. Cardinal said. In the early 1990s, people started moving away from having funerals, he said. Those who were not religious and never went to church chose to have non-religious services or celebrations. Some still held a certain reverence for the traditional funeral, however, and elected to go through the motions, although such a service had held no significant meaning for them. "We're trying to break down those barriers and tell people that no one will think it's bad that you played Elvis at the funeral."

Rev. Jackie Harper for years maintained a fine balance between personalized and religious funerals. "I think what people are looking for is something that feeds them spirtually. When they're asking for a song that reflects pop culture, it's not a move towards secularization, but maybe it gave them spiritual strength or got them through a difficult time," said the United Church minister. "As a minister, I am there because of my faith, and if they don't want that, then they don't want me. But I am flexible in what I'm willing to do to help them."

Fifteen years ago, it was difficult to tell funerals apart because they almost always followed a prototype in terms of hymns and Scripture readings, Mr. Cardinal said. But adding a personal touch gives each funeral a unique ambiance that may ease the burden of those in mourning. "I think there's a good mix of tears and laughter, but I hear a little more laughing and joking now," he said.

(From the Globe and Mail, Saturday, August 10, 2002 – By SARAH KENNEDY)

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